Feelings

I wake up most of these morning wishing I was back in bed 

I am not suicidal if it’s what you think I meant

I wish that because more than anything I want to be back in my head

Dreaming of great things and going on impossible adventures instead

I wish to stay with all the wonderful stories I made up in my head

In there, everyone’s words and thoughts are mirrored by their deed 

I don’t know about your dreams but   won’t you agree 

That such a place is much pleasing than the nightmare we are in

Isn’t it nicer than the constant heartbreak, murder and racial slavery

But then I wake up

My life is back in play mode again now 

I smile to people to try to put them at ease somehow

But deep inside all I feel is emptiness 

A kind of empty that is so intense

 It makes me miss my pillow and mattress

At least with that no one makes me feel unworthy 

Nobody criticizes and insults me badly 

No one is out to poison my hopes of living in peace

No gun is pointed at face in my dreams

When I am there time slows too and I finally feel good

I heal, smile and I am kind of happy, the kind I get usually from eating soul food

I don’t feel lonely here, and that’s a feeling I long for, for far too long

I don’t do this always I guess today I am all in my feelings